How not to go on a date

Do not take her to Drummonds to see a band thinking you'll be able to have great chat before they come on. The supporting bands will play semi awful music and scream alot.

Do not meet up with a group of friends who are all wankered and think its idea to put you in a headlock.

Do not walk her to your car, realise you've lost your keys, spend 30 minutes looking for them and then have to put her in a taxi so that you can wander back to clubs asking bouncers if they've found some keys.

If only someone had made this guide for me before hand.

Beckham's fit

Just doing some research on the bleep test (because I'm going to make one of my football teams do it).

The bleep test consists of running between two lines 20 metres apart before the beep. If you are late for 3 consecutive beeps then the last beep is your level, and this can be used to estimate you VO2 max level. For 18-25 year olds a level 14 score is regarded as excellent.

To be on time for each beep on the first level you need to run at 8.5 km/h. The speed required for each level increases by 0.5km/h so
1= 8.5
5= 10.5
10= 13
15= 15.5
20= 18
23= 19.5

I think I'm at 9-3.
David Beckham can complete all 23 levels of the test, and so is unrated.
Jonah Lomu achieved a level 10 (although he did weigh in at 260lbs) .

Bagged a banger

Went to the car auctions yesterday and got my first car at £500. Seems a bargain but I'll find out across the next year. Insurance is £380 which I suppose isn't bad for my first year.

Anyway, here she is

Total birds car really but it'll do the job I guess.

Also one of my footy teams (AEK Altens) got our first win since the coup, beating 5th place 11-1 on Sunday. Our team just seemed to click, theres didn't. Martyn instead of putting 5 shots over the bar put 5 in the net, I managed to set up 3 and then went on a rampage at the end and got myself a goal too. Two more games left before the end of the season to make sure we get away from that relegation zone.

Take from this what you will

Went to the cinema on Saturday night to see Children of men, good acting, interesting film, but dissapointing as not much is explained during the film either how the world got into the state it is at the start or what happens at the end, I wouldn't be shocked if there was a prequel/sequel at some point (yes I know there was only one book, but the film industry sniffs out any money making oppotunity).

Anyway the film finished at 01:40 and we weren't drinking so Red, drove me and Jude to Asda to get shopping while its dead. On the way back along Hutcheon St crossing George St the lights were changing, it was one of those situatios where in a split second you have to weigh up whether to put your foot down and safely get through or break hard but the road was wet, it's an old car, I bet if he would hava skidded into the middle of the junction so he put his foot down just to get through. Straight away a police car followed him round the corner and stopped him for speeding.

He got out, explained the situation and I have to say they were pleasant enough (I've had too many run ins with wankers in police uniforms). The thing that really annoyed me was that a minute later another car arrived, with bizzarely the lights on and then a couple of minutes after that a third car arrived which proceded to circle mounthooley and the junction where we were, and then a fourth. This is 03.00 in the morning, surely at least one car could have headed to Belmont St or somewhere trouble might be brewing. Contrast this with a night when a Neighboar of my ex was screaming at her, threatened her, and then battered his own girlfriend the response to that same area was nearly an hour.

How can we defend ourselves against them?

Not happy withtaking Steve Irwin from us stingrays now board boats to attack elderly people, click here if you don't believe me.

Theres a war coming

Constructive criticism

Seeing as I've put the odd post on here about one of my footy teams I'll add this. It comes from a team forum we have for posting fixtures, results, league table etc


Simon says:
due to there being no after match pub filled post mortem of our miserable performance and i am bored at work, i thought i would give my 2pence worth, in the style of a profane rant (the profanity is for amuzement, not emphasis or spite... honest)

The team was fucking unfit, and the finnishing was pish poor,

BUT:

the goalkeepers distribution was crap (i.e. about the only player to find the net... wrong net though)
the defence were getting skipped past like cunts, or were positioned poorly, or didnt know who the fuck they were marking, or just made really fucking bad decisions.
the defences distribution to midfielders was utter pish

the midfield were having to drop deep to cover for the crap defence or get the ball from the defenders. this allowed the cunting opposition to get men behind the ball so were impossible to break down.

we werent keeping possession, we either werent meeting the ball (like we were fucking scared of it), or were getting caught in possession like we bloody love giving the ball away, or were running up the line like a cunt for no fucking reason.
Nobody was fucking moving, like its better to stand and wait for the ball before giving it away??

the link up between midfield and attack was dia-fucking-bolical, partly due to the swarming opposition (defender/midfield and even attack... as they had so much time to recover before our fucking midfield got close to the ball) and partly due to a particular forward making constantly shit runs and decisions and touches and everything...

all in all it was dire, and should not be repeated.


He later phoned me to check he hadn't upset anyone too much.

Anyway, just about to go and get ready for the next game. My prediction a 6-3 loss seeing as our attacking midfielder and striker have both decided they want to play at the back. This is all very well if it wasn't for the fact that now we have to play two defenders in midfield and two midfielders up front.

Value of a Soldiers life

I spoke to a Captain last week combining my interest in Economics and the Military asking him

"Does the ministry of defence have an economist somewhere who works out the value of a Soldiers life?"

In a way surely every officer has to make this decision at some point, whether taking that bunker is worth losing on average one soldier, whether the gain outwighs the value of his life. Or on a bigger scale whether taking a country and all its resources are more than the value of lost personnel as well.

Anybody know how they would work this out? Just on the service of it I reckon you would have to take into account the loss his training, compensation paid because of his death and the bad publicity causes by it.

Rangers 0 - 1 Inverness Caley Thistle

Returning goalkeeper Lionel Letizi took the flak as Inverness Caledonian Thistle defeated Rangers for the first time

I think this is ridiculous to single out the goalie for this defeat, why not the midfield and forwards that should have produced 3 or 4 goals during the game, thats the way Rangers used to play and if it was 4-1 at the end people didn't point the finger at the goalie.

.... and allow me to ask this, why do club and country keep dropping Kris Boyd? I'd say he's pretty much earned his place up front and has a phenomenal record to boot.

Answers on a postcard...

No injury can hold me back....

No sure how this happened considering I'm carrying the worst injury I've had in 10 years but I smashed my 10k record tonight.

Especially odd seeing as I had a run 3 days ago and there was no sign of improvement, that run was 10K in 51 minutes 46 seconds, and I felt like death afterwards, limping home thinking I wouldn't be able to run for weeks and fearing the retirement of my left knee.

Today I go out and manage 10K in 45 Minutes 55 seconds and felt fine afterwards, so I just kept running. Not much of a sign of an injury either.

Bizarre, but I'm happy with it. Now, a bit of hard work and I'll get it below 40 Minutes before christmas.

New Games

Seeing as I've buggered my leg and serious running and football should be out of the question this last week I've been looking for other games.

First up was military kerplunk, unfortunatly I can't explain the rules incase I get in alot of trouble or incase I give ideas to other idiots capable of getting into just as much trouble.

Having decided military kerplunk was just too dangerous and should be saved for another day we tried the vhildhood classic Curby. Turns out Curby is just as dangerous when played whilst on guard and after a telling off Guard shift was extended by 9 hours.

Third up a game discovered over at Kimi's blog
, no arms pool. Looks like great fun, coming to a pun near you soon and probably gettig me barred from another pub near me soon.

Oh, and before I go today someone pointed out that if Football is to be handled like Boxing then Brazil were World champions until they were beaten by France in a competitive match, who were beaten by Italy in a competitive match, who were beaten by France in a competitive match who were gloriously beaten by Scotland at the weekend, making Scotland undisputed champions of the world. Well at least until today when that was taken off them by the Ukraine, but still, we were champions for a few days.

Erm, will turn things around soon

So we had our coup for our football team, but we didnt really pick the best time, as we had to play 1st and 2nd in succesive weeks, meaning two defeats whereas the teams around us have mostly picked up points, putting us very much in danger of relegation, shit. On top of that I've now got shinsplints which should effectively stop me playing football and running for about 6 weeks, not sure if I could cope with that though.


Team ----------- P GD PTS
1 CELONA ------ 10 53 27
2 GALACTICOS 10 31 23
3 GEN DRAFT -- 10 0 18
4 WAY ---------- 10 -24 12
5 FC GORDON -- 10 -7 11
6 FC CAMPBELL 10 -22 9
7 AEK ALTENS - 10 -15 8
8 WOODSIDE --- 10-16 7

Four Make or break games left

Crow and Kitten, best friends

Sorry but this is too good to miss

This crow is smarter than some of my friends

Love Crows

Most people don't like them but I love crows, they just seem to have more character than any other bird (and I used to watch a childrens program with a crow called Mortimer in it). Anyway, I found this video at Sparkwood & 21 which is amazing to watch, he's able to actually analyse the problem and create a solution. Have patience and wait for the end.

P.S The football coup is going moderate, my fitness is improving but the results aren't good. Got beat by 2nd last week 8-7 and beat by top tonight 7-1, although strangely tonights game was actually very close.

P.P.S Turns out that crow wasn't an exceptional, heres another clever crow

Footy Coup

Theres been a coup and me and Red have seized control of footy club FC Berry due to inept management and corruption on the previous manager/chairmans part, investing £120 to relieve the clubs debts and provide them with much needed new strips. To end the link with the former chairman FC Berry shall shortly be renamed AEK Altens and the new kit shall be unveiled at a glamourous tie against the current Sunday league champions (crap, maybe should have left it a week before taking over!). Anyway, 6 games of the season left to drag the team out of the relegation zone, hey and if I'm a good enough coach maybe get us into 3rd!

Team ------------- P --- GD --- PTS
CELONA ---------- 8 ---- 36 ---- 21
GALACTICOS ----- 8----- 32 --- 20
GEN DRAFT ------ 8----- -9 ---- 14
FC CAMPBELL ---- 8 ---- -4 ---- 9
WAY FC ----------- 8 ---- -16 --- 9
FC GORDON ------ 8 ----- -7 ---- 8
FC BERRY --------- 8 ----- -7 --- 8
WOODSIDE BOYZ - 8 ---- -25 -- 3

A Challenger!!!

Looks like blogs do have uses, someone read my post about Nike+ stuff and has offered me a challenge.

Lets hope hes not too quick.

P.S Anybody else out there got Nike plus? If so then feel free to leave a comment with your email address and we can add you to the challenge!