A Chimp walks into a bar.....

... and orders a pint of Tennants. The barman serves up his pint so the Chimps hands over a tenner and the barman passes hi a quid back before trying to strike up conversation;
"We don't get many chimps in here" he says
to which the chimp replies "No wonder at £9 a pint!"

Flags, bloody flags

Being in Scotland, you come across patriotism all of the time, you see a saltire and think nothing of it, its a year round thing and it needs no reason to be done.

I headed down to Manchester last week to see the folks and within 15 minutes started to get annoyed by St Georges cross, it was everywhere. Now I wouldnt have minded if it was always everywhere but it wasn't, it really wasn't. The most annoying ones are the little ones on cars, everybody has the same identical pair, I bet they were given out free in the sun.

I'm not being anti English, because I noticed they didn't wind me up in the pubs, advertising the football, I think whats winding me up is that it all seems so fake the way people have got them out only because the world cup is coming along. I bet if England go out at the group stage there won't be a flag in sight the next day.

Its the same as the plastic Man Utd supporters (no offence to the real Man U fans, both of you) who wear the colours when United are winning and don't if they lose.

Da Vinci Code

Just saw the Da vinci code, it was ok shame about all the hype before hand though. Hanks puts in a reliable shift and the plot had enough twists to stay interesting as well as being slightly educational and inspiring interest to research some facts afterwards.

Interesting, one scene where they are explaining that the Holy Grail wasn't a cup or chalice but it was in fact a womans womb etc, reproductive organs.

During that bit some ned behind me shouted out;
"Aye its still a cup, the furry cup"
Although I don't like interupting in films I had to appreciate the wit.

Not sure what to believe

I hope this isn't true, click here for the story.

Interesting, if true

I havn't checked the facts on this one and I've lost the website I pinched it from.

Abraham Lincoln was elected to Congress in 1846.
John F. Kennedy was elected to Congress in 1946.

Abraham Lincoln was elected President in 1860.
John F. Kennedy was elected President in 1960.

The names Lincoln and Kennedy each contain seven letters.

Both were particularly concerned with civil rights.

Both wives lost their children while living in the White House.

Both Presidents were shot on a Friday.
Both Presidents were shot in the head.

Lincoln's secretary was named Kennedy.
Kennedy's secretary was named Lincoln.

Both were assassinated by Southerners.
Both were succeeded by Southerners.
Both successors were named Johnson.
Andrew Johnson, who succeeded Lincoln, was born in 1808.
Lyndon Johnson, who succeeded Kennedy, was born in 1908.

John Wilkes Booth, who assassinated Lincoln, was born! ! in 1839.
Lee Harvey Oswald, who assassinated Kennedy, was born in 1939.
Both assassins were known by their three names.
Both names are composed of fifteen letters.
Lincoln was shot at the theater named 'Kennedy.'
Kennedy was shot in a car called 'Lincoln.'
Booth ran from the theater and was caught in a warehouse.
Oswald ran from a warehouse and was caught in a theater.
Booth and Oswald were assassinated before their trials.

And here's the clincher...
A week before Lincoln was shot, he was in Monroe, Maryland.
A week before Kennedy was shot, he was in Marilyn Monroe.

Why not?

Congrats to Scotand for winning the Kirin cup, it certainly made me proud of the team for the first time in ages, and I do feel very optimistic now about the future. I only wish that the Krin cup was after the World cup, it would stop all my mates in Manchester saying "yeah, but are you going to win the world cup?".

Anyway, out of all the home nations only England is heading to Germany whilst the others twiddle their thumbs.

Some might say England are a level of quality above the other teams and would humiliate the wee nations. I say, some are fools. David Healy showed as much recently and by looking up International results I can make a table from the last games they played against each other, this will come as a shock.

Team	Pts	GD
Wales	7	+4
Republic of Ireland	7	+2
Northern Ireland	6	0
Scotland	6	-4
England	3	-2

Results

Game	Result	Date
Scotland Vs N.Ireland	1-0	19/2/92
R.Ireland Vs England	1-0	13/2/95
Wales Vs R.Ireland	0-0	11/2/97
R.Ireland Vs N.Ireland	0-1	29/5/99
England Vs Scotland	0-1	17/11/99
Scotland Vs Ireland	0-2	12/2/03
Wales Vs Scotland	4-0	18/2/04
Wales Vs England	0-1	3/9/05
N.Ireland Vs England	1-0	7/9/05
N.Ireand Vs Wales	2-3	8/10/05

Bearing in mind the bottom two sides in that table, the British Home Championship was scrapped by England and Scotland in 1983 because they wanted to play more testing opposition. So you say "well in 1983 they were better!", not so, the baby of the lot, Northern Ireland still holds the trophy at its headquarters in belfast, have a gander here.

So I ask why not restage it in some form? It could be a great mini tournament to warm teams up for the major tournaments, or it could be a contest just between the teams that havn't qualified. It could rotate between the different nations (maybe cities could compete to host the event) and I imagine it could only bring a massive boost to the economy of the region.

The major argument against would be the football violence but nowadays its so controlled, maybe over controlled (how much does it piss you off when a steward asks you to sit down at old trafford?). The English game has cleaned that side up. Quick note, lets not look down our noses at the English when it comes to misbehaviour, the Irish troubles were a major hinderance to it and so is the fact that the Scots invade the pitch against the English at every oppotunity, click here for vid :).

P.S Don't anybody be such an idiot to suggest these games are ever friendlies and have no importance.

Value of 2p is rising

Due to the rising value of copper a pre 1992 2p coin is actually worth more than 2p at a scrap yard, click here for the BBC.co.uk link.

I now pay for my newspaper with a £20 note and ask for my change in coppers.


Also if you're bored try searching for fuckwit on google, or ignorant bigots.

Another yeah

Debut boy Burke grabs a second, pinch me.

Yeah, yeah, yeah

The sun is shining outside, Scotland are dominating Bulgaria, Mccoist is back in a Scotland strip (albeit with Boyd on the back), Rangers are improving their squad, a girl I've been flirting with gave me her phone number.

Even being in a uni computer lab with no air and 20 people quickly typing to make me feel like an indian call centre worker can't shoot me down.

Update: Chris Burke just chipped in the 4th. Thats 3 goals for scotland between two Rangers players under the age of 23 on their DEBUTS!. Bring on the Ukraine, Italy and France!

Stress

An essay and a presentation to be ready by 10am. It can be done, although it'll probably be shit.

Hangover

The two things that made me completely aware of my hangover and the walk of shame home this morning were as such:

1. Apologised to a pigeon for nearly stepping on him/her

2. Said thank you to the cash machine when it gave me my cash.

These were in addition to the more traditional signs.