Just a quote 'bout Goram

Tommy Burns (Former Celtic manager)
"they can put on my tombstone, Andy Goram broke my heart"

Evolution

First day at freddies
Originally uploaded by iainmc93.

Here's an 'evolution of Iain through high school. First up is a picture from my first day. Took by my Mum, thats me on the left next to big bro Andrew (I'm bigger now!). God, I was tiny at school.

Look at Andrews tie.

year 7 portrait
Originally uploaded by iainmc93.

First portrait up we have wee Iain at 11 years old, still all freckly looking a little like a chipmunk. Still look quite innocent too.

One thing to note is the tie, it's done traditionally. At my school we had to wear a uniform so I guess to individualise it people changed the ties, maybe using the thin bit instead of the thick, having it really short or even lopping the bottom off all together.

year 8 portrait
Originally uploaded by iainmc93.

Looking a bit cheekier and less innocent by now, ah hoe quickly high school corrupts. Totally buggered the tie that day as well.

year 9 portrait
Originally uploaded by iainmc93.

Think we had just come back from holiday for this one. As I was saying about 'tie' fashion, here I obviously had gone with the extremely popular at my school thin bit out look. How stupid, for one day couldn't I have changed back to the smarter traditional version? At least I can remember how it is though. Another school fashion I remember was that people wore rucksacks on just one shoulder. Apparently only gays wear them using two shoulders. Gays actually meant geeks

year 10 portrait
Originally uploaded by iainmc93.

Ah, this would be the year of the 'great hairdresser union strike'. You remember the one don't you?

year 11 portrait
Originally uploaded by iainmc93.

Finally after the great hairdressor strike I got a cut. Note I now have a black tie, this is not because I was at a funeral, but actually to signify importance. Well I was 15.

The fall of the mighty

Was looking through a Scottish Football website/blog and randomly clicked on Elgin City (a random middle of no where hamlet somehow called a city) and saw the words Andy Goram. Andy Goram was one of my heroes ten years ago, one of the Rangers and Scotland greats (43 caps), alongside Ally McCoist, Mark Hately, Stuart McCall, Brian Laudrup, Durrant, Ferguson, etc etc...

He was in the team that came as close as a Scottish team ever will at the top of Europe in 1993 (Celtic, UEFA cup, don't make me laugh!).
A quick search on google brings up DVD's, autobiographys and his nickname "The Goalie", the one and only.

Later in his career he's playing at Manchester Utd, the worlds biggest club.

Rangers bought 1996 European Champions League winner Klos to replace him, and it took Klos a long time to get on par.





Till recent he was my best celebrity sighting, ahead of the Beckhams, the Hamiltons, Dennis Wise, Gabriel Batistuta and most of the Manchester United squad, but then he signed for Elgin City.

A club at bottom of Scottish football. If I had known that life had got that bad for the guy i would have given him some spare change when I met him, why is he doing this?

Fair one, Ally McCoist overstayed, after losing it at Rangers he tried at Killie and then packed it in for TV type stuff, I thought Andy Goram had let things get beyond acceptable when I heard that he resigned for Oldham two years ago, but this is too far.


Gets worse, he's playing shit too.

My Blogger code

Was reading a blog and the guy had a blogger code. Like a 4 year old, because he had one i wanted one too and heres mine
B2 d- t k s u-- f i- o++ x e l c++
It'll tell you about me and my blog if you can be bothered to check

My blogger code: B2 d- t k s u-- f i- o++ x e l c++ (decode it!)

Anyone else got a code?, I'm only the second person i know to have one.
Oh yeah, get yer own at Bloggercode

Good blog to look at, plus something else

This is a quote i found from a cracking blog. Someone has wrote something I feel and I just wish i could have put it into words before I found it.

"There are a lot of people quoted in this blog that I don't understand. People of all stripes say random and stupid things sometimes. But the thing I understand least of all is silence. There's a time and a place for it, sure. But I don't understand when someone who has called themselves a friend makes a 180-degree turn and walks right out of my life, with no explanation or probable cause. It's happened twice, and the thing that makes it so strange is that these people were friends - very close ones. I'd almost expect it if it were a romantic involvement (of course, I'm extremely acidic and expect only the worst from romance). I've only decided to not be friends with one person, ever, and I made sure that person knew exactly why. So while I have focused my blog around people who say bizarre and incomprehensible things, they truly pale in comparison with those who choose, at the most critical of times, to say absolutely nothing at all. "

My life from 12 months ago has turned upside down due to the disappearance of the people I spent the most time with. Its very bizzare, makes you very paranoid (I hope its paranoia), makes you wonder what you have done to your friends and why no one has told you.

Oh yeah, the blog. Its very random, its a blog of things that a person has overheard. It always amuses me when you catch a snippet of a conversation, makes me wonder what was said for that quote to make sense. Take a look Overheard!!!

Little Messages

When I'm out drinking and I think of something that I know I'll forget I write it as a note and save it on my phone. The next day, sure enough I always forget about it until weeks later when I find them. Heres the latest that I found

"feel like Im in a hole, theres people around who I know, passing all the time but I can't shout loud enough for them to hear"

Excitement Explosion

Just remembered, Kill Bill is out on DVD official in 11 minutes!!!!!!!!

Shame theres no where near here thats 24 hour opening, but tomorrow its mine, all mine!!!
Also tomorrow I get to look after the puppy again.
Tuesday, is my last night in Manchester.
Wednesday will mostly be spent on a train.
Thursday I get dental surgery (excitement has left me again),

then afterwards I get to watch Kill Bill volume 2, is that not proof of karma or what?






In fact, if it took dental surgery to get enough karma points onthe board then I would have had been able to watch the first one years ago.
Woohoo, agony, woohoo!

The Truth about Firefighters

One of the most important jobs in the country has to be the firefighters. Due to this fact, the firefighters union is basically blackmailing the country into paying them more, holding us to ransom.In my opinion firefighters get a good wage, currently £21,500 a year MINIMUM when qualified considering they don't work as much as others. Yes, its a dangerous job, but so is demolition and nobody bothers about their pay just because they can't blackmail us. My Dad worked for years in a very dangerous job, and saw lots of his colleagues killed, crippled and have their lives ruined for less than £21,500 a year. In fact he has very little sympathy for the Fire fighters after when he reported a fire at a gas holder he was demolishing they refused to tackle it as they said it asn't safe. Theres no point being paid "danger money", if your not willing to get into danger. In the end the demolition crew had to tackle it. Point is, they say they deserve £30,000 a year and they are being treated badly, but nobody forced them to take the job and I imagine they all knew exactly how much they were going to get paid when they signed up.Heres a quote from Ross Neal"The bottom line is what it costs to live in this country, especially in London"Well, he hasn't looked at the bottom really has he, if thats his argument then he should be looking for just an increase for fire fighters in London, you can't pay all 50,000 firefighters an extra £8000 a year just because some live in London.

I think there should be new laws brought in so that if anyone dies during a strike then any firefighter due to be on duty at that shift will be jailed for manslaughter, as if he was on his/her shift they could have prevented that death. People who drink drive get the book thrown at them for endangering life, whereas striking firefighters expect vast amounts of money for endangering life, at least drunk drivers arn't sober when they make that horrific decision.A minor other point is the fact that we are supposedly need another 10,000 troops in Iraq and Afganistan, surely in doesn't help when we have to use troops (driving these green monstosities) to cover 50,000 greedy firefighters!

A bit upset when you think about things

Part of the thought about the injustice of some workers is that my Dad worked with Asbestos for years, and that some of his crew who worked with it for less years have already died from its results.

Now makes me feels very helpless, and worried about the effects that hopefully won't affect my Dad. Somewhere when i think about it, I'm sure these things will affect him. I can't even comprehend how anybody goes on after losing a parent. I just imagine myself wanting to die. I doubt I would be able to be a supportive shoulder to cry on my my remaining parent and my brother. I just couldn't take it.

Local porn star

Theres been a strong rumour for years that a porn star lived next to one of our local pubs (Red Lion, Ellonbrook, between Mosley common & Boothstown). When you see the girl it kind of confirms this, she looks a complete state, in a way that only a porn star could get away with. Obviously in that industry, you have to try to look young and some kind of weird beautiful, to do with oversized lips, strangely orange skin, very yellow hair.....etc, etc......

Anyway, I live in one of the nicer areas of Manchester, a footballer region in a way, with Manchester United players such as Eric Cantona, Ryan Giggs, David Beckham, Danny Wallace and Andy Goram all living nearby at some point, so as you can imagine the house price in the area for a crappy house is quite high, with some house prices trebling over a decade. So imagine what she must have paid for this house

It just seems a bit strange that some people spent there lives working 10 hour shifts in coal mines, or as demolition workers, now painfully being killed off by asbestosis - the scarring of lung tissue, lung cancer, mesothelioma (cancer of the lining of the chest and lungs) and pleural disease, but who now have to survive on what money they earned for their graft, which isn't much whereas others get a lot for practically nothing. Then again, once I gradulate I'd imagine I'd be on a lot of money for not much effort in comparison to some. It just doesn't seem fair how it works out.

Stranger still is how you can go from looking at a pornstars house to thinking about lung diseases.

Popular run backwards

Added a spin to the run today by accident. Got Pete and Danny running with us, with Hayley on her bike. Danny as usual tried to get out of the run firstly by delaying us by an hour, then tried to claim he had too much to do, and then said he had the wrong trainers. We persisted to get him out, after all we were only doing the 4 miler, and he had two shortcuts to cut out a mile, so he shouldn't have anything to worry about. He went into the first shortcut at under a mile and never appeared at the end of it, not spoke to him since but no surprise. Anyway, it felt like we did the run faster, and was slightly more fun but turns out we were slightly slower, despite a sprint finish at the end (Heywood was leading and we had to sprint to catch up the gap).

I think I need to be doing longer runs to improve now because I felt I could have done another 2 miles after it, so tomorrow the 10k!

Oh yeah, the spin, well not only was Pete with us, but we started at the end and ended at the finish!

Slightly shaved

Me and Heywood have just resumed our run after a 4 day lay off. Same 4 mile route, this time no walking because we got the pace just right. Had a snickers just before it and felt like throwing up all the way, never stopped though and so managed to shave off 30 seconds. Its not much, but I'll be happen if then next 20 times I run it i shave 10 seconds off it. Reckon tomorrows run is going to have to be longer if I'm to get benifit from it, so tomorrow, the big 10k!

I'm hoping for a time within 55 minutes to start with and then i can work that down to the 40 minute mark by next weekend, only kidding, but one day it'll be that low.

Heywood wants a race before he goes back to the RAF, I'll be happy to race him once I'm a little quicker, he's slightly faster at the moment. He suggested getting Danny and Sarah out running with us too and we all put a bit of money on it. The only reason he wants that is because he knows he would win, so I suggested Pete Ward join us, and told him what Pete told me on Saturday. "I can run around four and a half miles in 25 minutes", Heywood seemed undeterred by this and suggested that he could beat it.

On Saturday, I suggested Pete go running with Heywood because Heywood is so competitive that he would just push himself past his limits to keep ahead of Pete (by the way, Pete is probably the fittest lad I've ever met). I hope he does because it would be amusing to watch, albeit from a distance behind!

Two things - do you hate snow?

Went for a run just then. Was shocked at how sunny and hot it was outside. Anyway, I was aiming at between 12 and 13 minutes and got a very disappointing 14 minutes, totally knackered too. I'm hoping it was the heat that made me struggle, but then again it's going to get hotter.

Second thing is, for the first time I've looked outside and thought "this is summer". Ok, maybe its not summer but its definately spring, and the first proper decent day. Thank god too, I dispise winter. I even dislike snow. In fact I think everyone hates snow, its just that they forget how much between each bout of snow. It's great for the first half hour, then its a bit boring, and its very cold, it makes cars crash and slows everything in Britain to a stand still. Then you have three days of slush, which is just useless, you can't even throw it at people!!!

Dissapointed Run & Excuses

Went for a run just then. Was shocked at how sunny and hot it was outside. Anyway, I was aiming at between 12 and 13 minutes and got a very disappointing 14 minutes, totally knackered too. I'm hoping it was the heat that made me struggle, but then again it's going to get hotter.

Todays Excuses:
The heat
Didn't have a running partner
Had a bit of a headache too

The Plan

Ok, I've set up a separate site with my running stats on. It's McRunner. On it I have my running records, all runs and future runs I plan to run.

The first three runs are only 3K, and I havn't really practiced for them at all so, however I was talking to Sarah and she's training for a 10K, currently she can run 5M in around 51 minutes, which is a bit slower than me so I reckon I could fit in two runs today, one fast paced 3K, and then a slower than usual run with Sarah later on.

Last time I ran a 3K I set off way too quickly, and ended up finishing way behind loads of 50 year olds. I told my mates and they laughed, but none of them would have beat me. Thats the odd thing about running, I reckon most of it is mental, just learning to deal with the aches and pains, which is why so many older people can compete, and do well in races.

Difference is, with some hard training, I'll have that mental strength, and I'm younger and so have more potential, I'll not get a showing up soon.

Anyway, doesn't matter how long it takes me with the run with Sarah because we'll have to run it at her pace but I hope I can run the 3K in about 12 minutes, maximum 13 minutes, then I can work at reducing it. I've only got 17 days until the first 3K, and I want to be under 12 minutes by then.

Promised pic of molly

Molly was round today because my brother and his girlfriend (Donna) were out and she has never been left alone before. She got dropped off and tried to leave with Donna, but she couldn't.

She then stood at the back door for ages, sniffing around to try to figure a way to find where Donna had gone. I've said before that she never makes a noise, but as me and my Mum tried to make a fuss of her she kept whining.

After 20 minutes I went out to the gate and boarded up the gaps so that she wouldn't escape onto the road and we let her out into the back garden. She went out and searched it frantically, again, looking for Lindsay, and we decided we would just have to leave her to settle.

We gave her an hour and then she wanted to play so we let her fight for her rope and chase a ball. Then she hit a "power hour" where she went mental and would sprint in the house, onto the sofa and bound off and into the garden, then back, quickly changing direction. If I lay on the floor she would jump onto me, and off, it seemed like she had fun. I so wish my parents would get a puppy, and I know I'm definately going to get a dog when i get my first proper house, I'll get something bigger though like an alsation I imagine.

Anyway, I'm looking forward to Tueday when I'm looking after her, and I'm going to try to teach her to bark on command, and teach her to shake a paw for treats.

Ginger cat of dreams

New dream; In the dream I was fighting with a ginger cat. I can't remember if I was trying to kill it, I think at first i was just trying to pin it down to stop it scratching me. I have a feeling I might have tried to drown it. I also remember at the end of the dream I was lay somewhere trying to get some rest, scared that the cat would find me to attack me.
Arn't dreams weird?

Crawl from under the thumb

Your away from home most of the year, so when your back you have to make the most of the time with your various groups of mates.

So you expect on the one weekend that you can go out with them that you'll go out and it'll go to plan. Firstly Heywood says that we are going out to town and invites Sarah and Dan. So things are sounding good, then on the day you give him a ring and you find that he basically planned a romantic meal for two couples (Dan & Hayley, Ian & Suzanne) and a couple of tagalongs.

I don't like being a tag along so I don't want to go. So now that Heywood has invited others out we decide to go somewhere else, once the two couples find out they change plans and come along and it seems to be a good night. At one point when Dan and Ian are at the bar, Dan's girlfriend comes over and starts complaining about the way he's acting, saying he's being off with her because he's talking to us too much.

This is the first sign that the night is going to go downhill, now two things will happen, she gets her own way or they will argue. I see him on the way to the toilet, ask him whats wrong, he insists "nothing". Sarah, who we originally came out with says that she fancys going to town, someone suggests Tyldesley (Tyldesley is a complete dive), I agree and suggest town, people talk about it and town it is. Danny orders a taxi and Sarah says she'll give us a lift home so two of us can get changed into suitable cloths, then we would get a taxi from hers. After 40 minutes the people who should have gone in the first taxi come in, apparantly they had missed the taxi,

Heywood phones up and basically apologises to the taxi company for their mistake. So Dan, Hayley and Suzanne manage to get a taxi and instead of going to town they take it to Tyldesley, Sarah hears and says that she is now going home, so meets her boyfriend and they go. Heywood starts to have a go at me about Sarah because she's gone home, but I'm going home now too because the original plan has been hijacked just because girlfriends always have to have their way.

Moral of the story is, if you want a drink with your mates, then go out for a drink with your mates, don't bring the girlfriend along unless she understands that you will be talking to your mates and decisions about the night will be made by them, it's not all about them for just one night. Its really annoying for me because when I was back at Christmas too, all the nights turned into Dan and Hayley arguing. The one night that she didn't come out, we ended up passing where she was and sat in a car park for an hour at 3 in the morning.

If you've got a mate coming back who will only be back for a short time then go out with him then, you see the girlfriend every weekend, get some priorities sorted otherwise your telling the mate "I can't be bothered to see you".

Sometimes you need to crawl from under the thumb.

Can't really think of a title

My Brother has just got a new puppy called Molly. I love animals so I'm around his flat alot to play with it. It's the oddest puppy I've ever seen. Firstly she's a cross between a sheep dog and a pit bull terrier, why would you cross those two? One is renowned for being clever and herding sheep, the other for being viscous and fighting, its like Mike Tyson and Cat Deeley having a child together.

She's really scrawny and lanky too, whereas puppys tend to be chubby normally (hence the term 'puppy fat', think Britney Spears). Also, she's silent most of the time, she barked for the first time this morning and we gave her a treat as a reward.

This is perhaps the oddest thing, as a puppy, she's polite. When you have food she comes over to you and watches you but doesn't beg, doesn't yap and when you offer her food she won't snatch it off you like most dogs do. If you try to give her a treat she sits down to take it.

Anyway, I'm puppysitting her on tuesday so that'll be good fun. I'll get a picture of her tomorrow.

I've added two tables to my running section. One included all my runs since I started the blog and one underneath the blog entries with my personal bests that I can remember.

Currently listening to: The lion sleeps tonight by Tight Fit (No1 on the day I was born)

A milestone

Just done a 4 mile run and don't feel at all sore, set out with the aim of shaving 2 minutes off yesterdays time of 34 minutes and managed to run it in 30 minutes. This time it was Heywood who needed a break, and not me so I am greatly improving. I'm going to go out tomorrow and aim for 28 minutes, either way, if i can run it in less than 30 minutes I'll step up to running a 10k. Current estimate for the Baker Hughes 10k is 50 minutes.

Running Update

Went out running yesterday, followed the same route (4 Miles), managed to cut my time down from 40 minutes to 34 minutes and didn't feel as sore the next day. Just get annoyed with running with Heywood because even though he's never ran a marathon, or a half, and just because I havn't ran in a while so he's now fitter than me he feel like he's a personal trainer and trys to advise me as we are running about length of stride, posture, breathing, etc etc. Going for a run today as well and aiming to cut the time to 32 minutes on the same route. As soon as I can get it under 30 minutes I'll change the route to a 10k. Danny is back from the RAF now too, and he's quite unfit so we'll get him out running too. Last time he came he had to stop every mile, and then we gave him a shortcut to cut a mile out, he threw up and never caught us. We've got him a route planned with little short cuts so that he'll run a mile less but start and finish at the same points as us. I know he'll come up with loads of excuses not to do it. In fact I would bet on that.

Learner

I've decided that one day I'll have a car so i might as well get the driving test out of the way.










Not so wisely I'm taking lessons from an angry Glaswegian (my Dad), in a rustbucket.



My Dad thinks driving in a car with a knackered clutch and a wonky gear box is possibly the greatest way to learn to drive on the theory that once I can drive that, I can drive anything with ease. However all this really means is that as I hurtle along the main roads of Manchester I get to see true fear in the eyes of Mancunians, not seen since the second world war. My Dads theory wouldn't bother me apart from the fact he drives a top of the range Rover 45 and doesn't have to put up with the heap of crap I drive.

To make things worse, my friend Sarah who I have told about the car, decided today that she would go out and buy a gorgeous new car and brag about it to me ten minutes before I'm due to go out driving my 'classic'.


It doesn't even have a stereo, just my Dads screaming. Just to stretch the theory of "once you can drive this, you can drive anything" its developed a new trait in the last few days which i can only describe as engine hiccups.

Once my Dad has taught me a little more I'm entering one of those intensive all inclusive courses in Blackpool, where you have 28 driving lessons across 4 days and then sit the test on the 5th, which should be fun. Fun for me because i reckon I'm going to have to get pissed to pass. Of all the times I've been out driving with my Dad, he reckons the best one was just after I came out of the pub (he doesn't know I was in there). I had only had a couple when I remembered I was meant to be out driving with my Dad.

I'm supposed to sit the proper test in the next few weeks, I havn't even sat my theory test yet which to be honest I'm shitting myself over. I'm not bothered about the questions, it the new hazard awareness thing. You watch a video and click a mouse each time you see a hazard. I think thats a bit too hard, what if you click too early, or you see a hazard that they hadn't thought about, really I think an essay about the video would be a better option.

Point is, I could be driving around in about 3 weeks time so drivers and pedestrians alike, you've been warned!!!

The results are in..........

40 minutes for 4 miles. 12 Months ago I would have scoffed at that, and checked to see if both my legs were attached. Today I'm seeing it as a start. Anyway, me and Heywood have a return leg planned on wednesday and we have to beat the above time.

Up & Running

I've decided to start running again. Since the Edinburgh marathon nine months ago I think I've only been running twice. Anyway, I'm giving myself a year to get some new personal bests. I think everyone should run, as its obviously going to make them fitter, and it's a very achievable sport, in that the more fit you are the harder things are to achieve so if anything people should be more likely to take it up the more unfit they are. They can set there own targets to achieve, and constantly improve themselves. Its inexpensive. Its effective stress relieve, which I so so so need right now!



Heres what I want to achieve
5k: Under 18 minutes
10k : Under 40 minutes
1/2 Marathon : Under 1 hour 45 Minutes
Marathon : Under 3 hours 30 minutes

I can't remember my current PB's but I think my 10k PB is 48 minutes and my 1/2 marathon is 2 hours 10 minutes.

To work towards these targets I plan two different types of run. The first will be a set length run, where I will try to decrease the time it takes to reach the set distance and the second will be a set speed run where i will run at my target pace for as long as possible, hopefully increasing the distance each time. This set pace is 9.5 mph, which i think is the correct pace to run a 10k in 40 minutes. I know these targets are achievable IF I put the effort in.

However there's no point going on about something if you don't get up and do something about it, so me and Danny are going to go for a few runs while he's back from the RAF, including one today about 17:00pm around 4 miles. I reckon we need to run it under 40 minutes.

Last nights dream was an 18 (strong violence)

Last nights dream was something along the line of, me and Jen (who I fancy a bit) were driving along in here car near my parents house. She was drink driving and pulled over for some reason. It was the worst parking you could imagine. I had my door open when some old guy muttered something and walked off. Then I looked at Kate and she was crying, with her face bleeding so i ran after the guy, but when I got there it was a gang and they attacked me. Thats all I can really remember at the moment, they must have really beat me.

Lucky they warned me before the inferno of my pants (I'm not a ginger)

Was on the toilet before (sorry, but its relevant) when I noticed the label in my Boxer shorts

Do you see that, "keep away from fire". I wear these at the top of my legs around my nether regions (or never regions, in respect to other parts of my life). Even if I did wear them on my head, hands, or feet there would be no need to warn me about fire, but especially when it comes to my pride and joy.

I'm thinking the only reason that they could possibly had to place this warning is that they are scared in the compensation culture that someone will light a "bush fire", and the topman empire will fall under the legal bashing that ensues. Lets have a 'what if' situation to highlight this;

Tom is a fire fighter; he gets up in the morning, gets dressed and heads to work. The alarm goes and he's off to a fire in a fireworks factory. Halfway there, Tom realises that he's wearing his topman undies that should be kept away from fire. Now does this mean he's going to have to strip off his protective fire gear, remove the offending keks and then get the gear back on to tackle the blaze commando? Is this a popular female fantasy? Anyway, I really liked them until I read that, and due to the magic of the camera phone you now know too! Again, I'm sorry.

Another back dated dream

Heres a dream I had a little while ago and just found a note about it.
"Something to do with being at Hampden, in a blue dog suit with my family sat on the pitch, trying to buy a ticket for £19.95 but only having £15. Also had a dream about having a baby that I kept forgetting about"

Thats interesting to me because the other night I had a dream about having a baby and not being able to cope with it. Wonder what it all means! Any ideas?, if anyone can link it to Glastonbury and mental damage I'm now suffering it would be ideal, they might give me a ticket as an out of court settlement.

Just realised.......

.....that even though I pride myself on my spelling, I've been spelling February with only one 'r' for years. How stupid?, even more stupid is that nobody noticed and I still got an A in English.

Surely there should be examiners who notice this stuff!

Last Nights Dream

I remember dreaming that I got on some sort of arcade game, in an arcade where I had to shoot aliens and fly a plane. Soon enough I crashed it, but killed all the aliens around me. Then my young John appeared, because we were stood outside of his work (a restaurant in Aberdeen), I needed to infiltrate the restaurant because the Aliens were running it and so he got me a uniform. While i was getting changed into the uniform I remembered that I needed heart surgery, because my heart was backwards and the only people who could do it were the aliens.

Due to the fact they were aliens and I wanted to kill them, I couldn't trust them and so I ran away, next thing I know i'm running naked down a road in Manchester because I forgot to pick my clothes up.

Thats about all I can remember.

Bizarre!!!

My Favourites

Colour: Red/Black
Animal: Dog
City: Oslo
Food: Lamb
Day: Thursday
Shirt: Peter Werth brown shirt with squares
Comedien: Billy Connelly
Film: Airplane
Album: Ryan Adams;Love is hell
Drink: Lucozade orange
Newspaper: Guardian
Celebrity: Kirsten Dunst
Pub: Yew Tree in Mossley Common
Club: Satans Hollow
Aftershave: Jean Paul Gaultier Le Male cool
Favourite Football Player: Mikel Arteta
Festival: T in the park 2003, better than Glastonbury that year
There you go, now you know a little about me just in case it comes up on who wants to be a millionaire, any more questions?

The Holy Grail

Something that isn't new but hasn't really taken off in the past is the mini keg (well in the UK at least). Its a genius idea, as a part Mancunian my beer taste definately goes with Boddingtons. Problem is I've only found three places that sell it in Aberdeen where I am most of the year. This really is not acceptable, as one (think it was Moshulu) served it in a plastic pint pot which degrades it to serving it in a urinal. The other is well out of the way, TGI Fridays down at the beach, and they call it steakline. I strongly disagree with changing the name, TGI's can burn for doing that. The third is Ma Camarons off Belmont St which have stopped selling it. But now theres a way I can get a short term fix, by every time I go home getting five of these and bringing them back up in my case instead of my clothes. Who needs clothes when your drunk anyway?

I would like to add that Boddingtons have got their basics right and proudly state that ALL their produce is made at the strangeways brewery in MANCHESTER. Take note, Barrs!!!

So, continuing with party kegs, don't do this with them

you just end up looking like a moron.

Box of a world

I've been thinking about some people I know back in Manchester. They seem to be glued there, all their family live in the same village, they have done all their education, work, life there. Surely at sometime in your life, even just for 6 months or so you have to try and break free of it?

Then it made me think about the box (see map below) that I live in, I really need to get out there and travel some more.

The bits in yellow are the places I've been, the white bits are snow. green bits are undecided (trees, grass, shrubs?, someone help me on this). Its a bit strange that the furthest west I've been from where I was born is probably only about 150 miles at the most. I truely now understand what the Pet Shop Boys were singing about when they sang "Go west".

Anyway, my housemate, Paul, set off travelling for five weeks the other day. This means that since we came back from Oslo in December he will across the period of four months have been to Norway, Scotland, England, Holland, the Phillipines, Malaysia, and Thailand. Seven countries in four months, I've only been to nine in 22 years (England, Wales, Spain, Bulgaria, Turkey, Greece, Cyprus, Scotland and Norway). So I must get travelling soon or fac being glued for the rest of my live, but I need encouragment, so heres my pact with God, or the Devil or whoever else. I'm going to travel to at least ten of these countries before I'm 30 or throw myself off the eiffel tower.

USA, Germany, China, Canada, Mexico, Japan, Russia, Ireland, India, Egypt, Faroes, Sweden, Iceland, Holland, New Zealand, Australia, Nepal, Yugoslavia, Czech Republic or Monaco.

Free kids in Spain

Saw this offer in the local newspaper, thought maybe it shouldn't be in but thankfully its not actually an offer of free children. Although come to think of it, who would pay for the little sods?

Second thoughts about Glastonbury

Touts provide a service. Its wrong when they buy hundreds of tickets and then force the service on others but when they have to wait like the rest of us to get hold of two at a time then surely this is a valuable service that they have provided and should be able to sell on.

Theres a bad image of touts who sell outside football grounds, thus allowing Aberdeen (Scum of the earth, really) fans in the Rangers end, thus provoking fighting, and theres a risk when buying from touts that the tickets are not genuine, but if they allowed touts to buy legally and then sell them legally, having to wear ID badges so that people knew they were buying from a genuine tout then surely that would be ok.

Another thing I just thought about is through these methods some traditional Glastonbury festival goers will be cut out, as you probably need a mobile phone and broadband to get a ticket and how many hippies have that?

Theres a ball rolling now, ANOTHER thought, promise this is my last one! Glastonbury is religiously discriminating. Amish people don't have phones or computers and so can't get tickets. I think the whole festival should be called off right now on these grounds.

This is because I actually care about Amish people and not because I'm bitter about not getting tickets. However if someone at Glastonbury is reading this and can sort me out with tickets then it may be all right if it goes ahead.

Over and out

Irn Bru Boycott

Ok, if your Scottish read this through to the end before smashing the monitor

I think Scottish folk should start to stop buying Irn Bru in protest

I was told a little while ago that Coca-cola or Diet coke were the top selling drink in every country apart from one, Scotland, where Irn Bru pips them on sales. Is this because Irn Bru is an amazing drink? Well no. I do prefer it myself but the reason that it sells so well is because the Scots are so patriotic and it's marketed as being more Scottish than midges.

Two summers ago this notion was destroyed for me, harsher than when I found out my Dad was Santa (seemed cool at first, but then he explained he wasn't actually Santa, just pretending to be). Anyway, I applied through a temp agency for some work in Manchester and was given a factory job, when I turned it it was AG Barrs (makers of Irn Bru). This shocked me as I assumed that all Irn Bru was made in Glasgow but it seems quite a lot of it is made in Atherton near Manchester.

Anyway, that’s one point, a lot of it is made in England but the second reason for a boycott is the fact that the people who have put AG Barrs and Irn Bru in the lofty top seller position, (that’s us lot), are being made to pay through the nose for it. How much is a can of Irn Bru? I reckon it averages at about 55p in Scotland whereas in England for another 4p you can get SIX times as much. For proof have a look at the picture, ah, trial price, well its been at trial price for as long as I can remember!

However if your English then shame on you!, and not just for being English but for not buying this stuff by the trolley load. Shame on me too for writing this article because AG Barrs were probably the kindest employers I ever worked for and even sponsored me to run the marathon and sent me a free T-shirt.

Hero Of The Month Award Goes To.......

Tyler Crotty. In a way, three and a half years late but its finally been done. Bush has broadcasted the torture he puts upon his own citizens, Saddam was ousted for less.

The poor lad (Tyler) had to sit through a whole speech by Bush. Then was caught napping, dreaming that he was in Guantanamo Bay instead.

His Father (Tyler's, not Bush's. Although he does practically everything else for his son) has tried to blame it on tiredness, well we knew that, everybody is tired of the Bush administration!

Glastonbury Fury

Glastonbury, the festival of peace and love and all that crap is currently the fest of fury.

To stop ticket touts there are only 180 phone lines and one website that sells the tickets. When you do actually get through you can only actually buy two tickets anyway. This makes sense (if it worked) but its pointless when no one can get through to the phone lines or the website. I've been trying since 8pm last night when they went on sale and I havn't had a sniff. It wouldn't piss me off so much if when you phoned up it put you in a queue so that you knew that eventually you would be getting served but instead you just get an engaged tone, meaning that someone who has just woke up this morning could phone and get tickets on the first try whereas others who have phoned all night might not, its total injustice and the reason that there are ticket touts in the first place. In fact I think getting rid of the touts is a bad idea, which will only be highlighted by this as they do in a way provide a service. Fair enough, they shouldn't be allowed to buy 78 tickets at once but if someone does get through and get a ticket it should be up to them if they want to sell it later, make a bit of profit and allow some poor kid who has travelled 600 miles from north scotland to get into the festival that he wants to.

What a farce!